Secularism, Science, and Sinai

          The article "Jews Survived Thanks to Brit Milah and Niddah" (featured on Ynetnews.com on today, 23/11/11) gave me that slight pang of frustration and anger at secularism. Now, I feel the strong need to preface this post with the inner-most truths of my mind: I am not anti-secular. I am merely "anti-the-secular-scholars-who-keep-trying-to-prove-Gd-or-Jewish-nationhood/survival-with-science-that-is-irrelevant-but-people-believe-because-it-has-the-words-"science"-or-"study"-attached-to-it-even-though-science-is-Gd's-creation-and-doesn't-prove-or-disprove-him-and/or-his-master-plan." And I believe that with some of my strong criticism of the Reform and secular Jewish movements people may have me pinned as "anti-secular," "anti-reform," or anti-what-have-you. Which, in truth, I am not. (In fact, I apologize for the excessive (possibly constructive) criticism on the secular movements in addition to my excessive this-ing-with-the-dashes). My point however remains, more simply put, as a question: What is with this constant "disproof" of Gd with science?

           Having suffered over a decade of public school, I have seen the vast majority of Atheists back-up their claim of a Gdless world by crying "science." Once I came to seminary all the teachers prove Gd with science and probability. Interestingly enough, I have learned more science (for better or for worse) here than I have in the last twelve years of public school (... don't get me started on the American public eduction system). However, I question the validity of science being the big call to Atheism, secularism, and doubt. Transitioning from the article's scientific angle to a more subjective style, by the author, this part in particular caught me off guard:

          "In Israel today you can be completely secular without affecting your Jewish identity. In the Diaspora there is no such thing. In recent generations, secular Judaism has been a way out of Judaism. But three things have allowed the existence of the Jewish people in the past, and in the future: The people, Torah and Gd."

          I was a little more than shocked to read this at the end of the article seeing as the man proving Jewish survival by science, Melvin Konner, had formally introduced himself as a man who grew up religious and went "off the derech." Which was even more shocking because he started off his findings by framing Jewish-survival on the premiss of Darwinism. Konner previously mentioned his distaste for extremism of any kind, which also had me questioning his polar stances from start to finish. Opening up with scientific research seemingly to disprove a relationship between Hashem and the Jewish nation's survival, his last quote ends off the article by claiming the people, Torah and, most interestingly enough, Gd as the reason for Jewish existence. Now, the author of the article, Tzofia Hirschfeld, merely introduced Konner's findings, but the way she worked her way from science to Gd, by quoting Konner, got my mind turning.

          One of my favorite classes taught by Rabbi Kelemen, a Harvard educated teacher and author, uses science and physics and math and probability to prove the rational in believing in Gd. Believing in Gd is rational? I was relived to hear that! I thought I was just "following my gut feeling." Anywho, the way he proves the rationality in living a life of belief and Gd is astounding, but I won't give his shiurim-secrets here. When science proves Gd exists, I wonder what the people who use it to deny Gd's existence thinks. I'll have to debate this with one of my well-versed friends sometime. But, I have crossed a certain line recently. I won't try to preach Gd or religion to people who are not interested. Because you can prove the mathematicians wrong; you can prove the scientists wrong; you can prove the whole world wrong; In the end you can only hope your following what's right if you've proven it to yourself. But hey, since this is my blog and you've decided to read it I can stand on my soapbox and yell and scream what ever I want. So to that I say, the people, the Torah, and Gd are all what keeps my nation alive. And I'm proud of it. If you want to be apart of this nation, go ahead and do what you'd like. But if you want your children to be apart of it, remember what has been keeping it alive for so long. 

Struggling With The Past

"Everyone follows someone, the question is who."

          I day dream a lot. I suppose this is not the biggest news flash. I'd describe myself as with my feet on the ground, but my head in the clouds (Matisyahu anyone?). But, I sit in class often wondering how I ended up here. It's a struggle everyday to reconcile my past and the future I'm walking into. While, I couldn't have ever dreamed of a brighter future after becoming religious, I still feel the negative effects of how I was raised creep up into the corners of my mind. 

         I wonder what I would say if I would sit face to face of the Reform movement Rabbis that I grew up with. This seems like an odd thing to ponder, but as I skim the web, I see a lot of anti-orthodox sentiment. Especially about the kiruv movement and how they "get you." I remember all the things I heard about the Orthodox movement and a lot of it bothers me. I sit here, now, keeping kosher and shabbos. I am a proud Jewish woman, with strong values, morals, and ideals having been instilled to me by both my parents and my new community, even though the specifics may vary and cross. But if I saw myself five, even ten years ago, when I was more influenced by what my parents and the leaders of my camps and shuls said, I would have been astonished to see me in a long skirt and keeping mitzvos. Why? I cannot claim that the rhetoric of the Reform movement was particularly neutral to the other movements. Choice through education, was their slogan, but what choice did I have if there was no Gd (well... maybe, there is, some said) and there was no Torah. I didn't open a chumash until I was thirteen years old, and pounding out the D'var Torah I gave at my Bas Mitzvah was the closest thing to learning Torah I ever did. How can thirteen years of being Jewish, and never knowing Torah outside a few Pirke Avos quotes be knowledge? And as I say this, I question what else they said about the Orthodox community. Love your neighbor, but not your fellow Jew? 

          The Orthodox Jews, they said, are oppressive and backwards and everything in between. While I stand to prove them wrong, as my life style choice is neither oppressive nor backwards, I still can't stand to see such a huge portion of them so judgmental. None of this is in malice towards my past or the Reform movement, but I keep day dreaming in class, what if I was thirteen, or even eight, looking at myself now? I'd hate me. And this negative feeling that had been instilled in me at these ages were from communities that have never walked these shoes. It hurts to know the people from my past wouldn't accept me or even understand where I am, because they outright reject the life style I have chosen. Now, as many people tell me, I shouldn't be explaining myself to others, as I have no need to. But I can't help but wondering what I would of thought of MYSELF way back when. And I'm sure every one does this from time to time. 

          Luckily, one of the Rabbis substituting for one of my classes put an end to these negative thoughts by saying, "Everyone follows someone, the question is who." This statement put my mind at ease for an interesting reason. I was thinking that people wouldn't accept me for who I am today because I follow Hashem and try to do his will. I don't just believe, I do what I believe. Many people follow things that are of a much more destructive nature. Whether it be pop-culture (who has to look like whom) or a political figure (only human) or a number of other things, I have the benefit of telling people from my childhood that I follow Gd. This is the creator of the entire universe I'm talking about! Even if they think I'm being misled by following an "imaginary friend" I found so much comfort in the idea that even if they don't believe in my Gd, they are following something. And the fact I am following something that I think is so marvelous, so grand, so incredible, and so true, I am doing what is right. What is right by myself, by my culture, by what have you, I feel like I am being more honest with myself now, than I ever could of been without Gd. So, now when I look back and wonder what I would of said about myself currently, I know I would say I am happy and fulfilled. But hey, I'll deflect the question to the people who think that I may be backwards or wrong, or am being misled by a sly Kiruv movement. I ask of them, who or what do you follow? And is it making you happy and fulfilled in every aspect of your life? 

Diminishing Lights

Rebbetzin Kanievsky- miracle worker died Oct 15.

Rabbi Koppelman- one of the oldest rosh yeshivas (Switzerland) died June 17.

Rabbi Elazar Abuhatzeira- kabbalah teacher, died July 29, stabbed. 

and

Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel- Rosh Yeshiva of Mir Yeshiva, died November 8. 

The greatest people of our generation have been dying and all of Klal Yisroel is suffering. I attended the Levaya, where we escort the dead for burial, of Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel. 100,000 people showed up to escort him to the cemetery. To see 100,000 orthodox Jews is an incredible, unbelievable testament of our survival, but also a testament to the value we see in preforming the mitzvah of accompanying our dead. 

With the greatest lights of the Jewish Nation burning out, I wonder who will rise to take their places. 

The Levaya

Sunrise Over Gaza

          He was talking about the sunrise over Gaza, while I imagined the sunset over Jerusalem, while we all watched the glistening stars in Tel-Aviv. The four of us were standing there- what a funny sight! Me, sitting on the balcony railing, dressed all tznious, in a skirt that they could of never imagined me wearing. Ben, our Israeli solider, had finally gotten out of his navy uniform and joined me on the balcony. Sim, whose still trying to save the world, pulled up a seat next to us as he offered Heather his jacket.  Look at us. We all went to EIE together three years ago. Together we were a group of great friends, in America we were scattered. And now, here we sit. We all came from the same place and are now in different worlds. I'm a baalat teshuva in seminary. Heather is in seminary too, but to figure out what she believes because her entire family became frum after she went to college. Ben, who we all knew would go to Tzahal, is sitting with us straight off the boat from gaza telling stories of his journeys. And Simcha, he's volunteering in Tel-Aviv working with Sudanese refugees and children. We all came from the same place, we are all on different paths, and we are all going to very different places. We are not the people we all were two-three years ago. But, boy, look at us all together now! And nonetheless in Israel, where we first met.