Skipping Stones (Not Throwing Rocks)

          I finally understand how shabbos is the "clinch" of my week. Because now, today, Sunday, is a fresh start. However, this Shabbat, I did something all too familiar, but, now, all too foreign.
          Thursday, I went to Nariah, where I got to the kibbutz, Beit HaEmeq, where I was met by my friend, Ben. He went on NFTY-EIE with me. EIE is the semester abroad program I participated in, in tenth grade, where I lived on Kibbutz Tzuba (by Zova Beit Zayit, 20 minutes from Jerusalem) with 120 other Reform teenagers in 2009. Here, we learned Jewish History from the land and explored the deep connection to our people. And here, Ben and I sit in a familiar setting, two years later. He is in the Tzahal, serving Israel. I am in seminary, serving Hashem. How can two teens from the same background, uproot their entire lives and end up so different? In Eretz Yisroel, nonetheless...
         So, I came to the conclusion NFTY, the Reform movement's youth program has a certain... air, if that's how you will say it. That's it! The Reform movement, with no malice intended, is full of air. It has this beautiful platform of social justice and choice, but lack a solid Jewish base. They give us a choice to choose how we want to practice our Judaism, but it gives us no education. How many times can I hear the Pirkei Avos (or Pirkei AvoT) quote, "It is not your obligation to complete the task, but neither are you at liberty to desist from it entirely… (2:16)." Sure, it's nice advice, but why should I listen to it? What is it's validation? I JUST learned five days ago Pirke Avos is from Mishna. In the Reform movement we are hardly taught Torah, why would they think Mishna is of any relevance? After all... Mishna is the written down collaboration of Oral Torah, which the Reform movement already deems unimportant. And what gives me this solid expertise in what the Reform deems important and unimportant? I have gone to six and a half years of URJ (Union of Reform Judaism, formally UAHC) summer camps. I have gone though ten years of formal Reform Hebrew School (excluding pre-first grade classes). I have gone to approximately 30-50 NFTY programs and Kallahs (shabbatons), maybe 100 if you count the Temple Youth Group at my local shul, which I helped run on the leadership board. I have done a six-week Reform Jewish volunteer program during the summer. And, finally, I studied at HUC (Hebrew Union College, the Reform movement's Rabbinical college) on a high school program for an entire year. I get nauseous at the thousands of dollars my parents have spent on my "Jewish Education." I can tell you what I had learned from it: to be a good person. If I followed all the laws, I would be a good person. If my parents raised me at the bare-minimum of decent, I would be a good person. If I valued education and intellect, I would be a good person. So, Gd help me, I am extremely angry with the Reform movement in America. I have such a soft and special place in my heart for them, even still, because after all they reminded me I was Jewish. But, after reading the parts of Pirkei Avos they forgot to teach me, I learned, "On three things the world stands. On Torah. On Service of Gd. And acts of human kindness." And here I am to learn Torah and the Service of Gd. And if then, I decide to pick and choose, it will be out of knowledge and not out of ignorance. But, here, I let myself be swept away by frustration and sadness. I mention this idea of the Reform movement in America because I'd like to now contrast it to Israel.
          In Israel I have plenty of friends who are secular and categorize themselves with the Reform movement of Israel. But, in Israel, they learn Tanakh (Torah, Prophets, Writings) and traditions. I know plenty of secular Jews in Israel who have Shabbos dinners and don't keep Shabbat. They all celebrate Lag Ba'Omer and Tu B'shvat. I know more American Jews who have a Christmas tree... I mean Channukah Bush.... in their house than even KNOW what these holidays are. And this is why the URJ's  EIE is such a success. It is a Reform movement program that got messed up on boarders. The Reform movement in Israel teaches Jewish teenagers Judaism in a traditional and educated setting, rather than a "keep the masses ignorant" sort-of-way. This may not be the American-Reform movement's intent, but by teaching feel-good quotes and prayers instead of sit-there-and-learn-your-own-history-and-religion-whether-you-choose-to-follow-it-or-not, the Reform movement is saying it's okay to be dumb about your identity. Or even better: it doesn't matter. However, I have met the most lovely and considerate and beautifully-minded people in the Reform movement who just want their kids to "love Judaism." And in that case I ask if the Reform movement is some kind of Kiruv? Is that why I know so many Reform Jews who have wandered into the Chabad?
          So, back to EIE and this Shabbos, I sat with Ben, my Israeli Soldier, and with myself, the Unorthroprax Baalat Teshuvah. From EIE, I can name dozens upon dozens who found the love of the land and immigrated to Israel and joined the army. From EIE, I can name dozens upon dozens who found Judaism in a new light and became the leaders of the Reform movement. From EIE, I can name dozens upon dozens of who were unhappy with the depth of knowledge, sought more, and are now Orthodox. From EIE, I know dozens upon dozens who left with no inspiration and desire to learn more and stayed exactly the same. From EIE, the Reform movement finally made a great program: one that teaches and let's us choose our own path with knowledge.
          And there I sat. On a kibbutz, with my close friend, two years later. It was all so familiar, and all so foreign. Shabbos was entering, so I made my way down to Haifa, to meet my secular-Israeli friend.
          On her commune, or at least that's what they call the socialist house of 13 teenagers, the sun set. I did not keep Shabbos. And this, this felt foreign. I have NOT kept a total of 18 years of my life, times 52 weeks in a year, minus three Shabbatot in my life (933 un-celebrated Shabbatot, if you were curious). I have only kept a whooping total of three (0.3215434083601286%). Why did breaking Shabbos this time feel so foreign? Because, now, I know what feels right and how build my relationship to Hashem. I did not keep Shabbos because I'm still struggling. I'm honest about this because becoming religious is not an easy walk in the park. It is hard. But B"H it is worth every last struggle. And one of these struggles are my secular friends.
          When Noa, my friend from the URJ camp I attended, told her friends I was religious, I got all kind of weird and shocked looks. Mind you, I may have been dressed tzniusly, but a three-quarter shirt and a 50's style-house dress isn't your run-of-the-mill Charedi. Not to mention my many piercings. After talking to one of the better-English speaking Israelis for about two hours, we came to a beautiful understanding. The reason I was taught to hate (yeah... they do preach hate) Charedim in the Reform and secular movement was because they tell us we're less Jewish and they throw rocks and eggs at us. OH, and they subject their women to having 10 kids and covering their hair and being kept in the kitchen and sex through sheets and... yeah, the whole nine and a half yards of spew. But, the truth is, there is some truth. Some ultra-charedim put women down, and subject and abuse their wives. I've watched one particular nasty group, the Neturei Karta, spit at my brother during an Israeli Day Parade in New York City. Back then I just labeled them as Charedi... how would I know the difference? Now, the sex-through-a-sheet rumor is completely false, but the fact is, when we see examples (no matter how-rare) of the other rumors, what stops us from believing this too? Now, in my community, woman are treated much better than in the secular world. We are respected and have value. Our spiritual and physical value is based on our strengths and not false-sameness as men. Equal, not sameness. My brother, who was spit on by the Neturei Karta is "Black Hat" now, and has found a beautiful life in the world he was once taught to hate because of extremists. I explained to Noa's friends, I am in seminary to find my balance. I want to become religious and become moral. I want morals that are not subjective. I want a guide book to live life called Torah. I want a relationship with Gd. But, I don't throw rocks. I'm not a missionary here to tell them I'm right and they are wrong. I am a lost 18 year-old trying to improve my life and self-worth and identity by returning to my religion and culture that had been lost in my family for two generations. Best of all, I am here because I love. I love my religion and people and nation. I love Israel the State and Eretz Yisroel. I love the Torah and Hashem. I love shwarma and falafel and American TV. I love the beautiful tunes of prayer and Hadag Nachash. I have decided I want to be a different kind of Kiruv Teacher. I want to teach secular kids Torah, with love and devotion, with out telling them they need to do this and that. I want to educate Jewish Youth and tell them no matter how you practice Judiasm, Torah is your platform, you can grown and choose what ever you like. And for the love of Gd, I skip stones, I do not throw rocks.