The month of Kislev is the month of Orion, for you astrology fans, and of the tribe Binyamin. At the Sea of Reeds leaving Egypt, both Yehudah and Binyamin (with a strong sense of mesirus nefesh "self sacrifice") awaited a miracle from Hashem. Yehudah, however, preferred Hashem's presence to be displayed in a natural manner, while Binyamin wanted to extol Hashem's glory by having Hashem preform open miracles which transcended nature (Ryzman, The Wisdom in the Hebrew Months). But, this month is named after Binyamin, why? Hashem "moved the sea with a strong eastern wind and the entire night" (Shemos 14:21). With the open miracle taking precedence, so too does the rest of the month where the celebration of Chanukah occurs.
Matisyahu and his sons had the same type of mesirus nefesh as Binyamin, and declared a war beyond the physical battle. Hellenism was more or less today's version of "secular society." Or if you prefer something that doesn't touch too close to the American home, Communism of the early 1900s. The whole idea of these three types of society, is that it eradicates Torah [read: the fundamentals of Judaism] and institutes a nationalistic pride of Judaism, if you are lucky. But unlike the more recent influences, the Hellenistic battle was fought and won by none other than the famous Matisyahu (no, this time I'm not talking about the reggae rock star). When I speak about the battle of conserving Judaism, I mean the Judaism that has kept us Jews thus-far. Many Jews Hellenized and their descendants are still living, I'm assuming, however who can tell? They are now goyim, of the other nations. And of these other nations that have risen and fallen, Judaism is still here. It was saved during the era of Matisyahu because of Hashem, his will, and mesirus nefesh. And is celebrated because of the open miracles.
Speaking about miracles, Matisyahu, and Hellenism, the reggae rock star shaved his beard. I know, I know, I mentioned it before. But why do I bring it up in a blog about me, a Baalat Teshuva, and on a post that deals with Chanukah? To the non-frum viewers I guess I can explain the fight for Judaism in a different light (Chanukah pun). The physical battle against the Greeks was grand, and the spiritual battle over Hellenism was marvelous. Yet, just because we survived didn't mean everything was over. Over the centuries Jews have been maintaining their identity by internal cultural influences. If these cultures outside of us are trying to take away our beliefs, our Torah, then we fight by making our own culture. Nu? Following? So, we had our own language Hebrew, but on the streets Yiddish, Ladino, and the entire list of Judeo-*insert other language that surrounded the Jews here* were spoken. A certain dress style was adapted and the yummy cholent and lahoh followed (depending on country of origin). Judaism isn't an ethnic group or a culture. We are a nation united under Torah who created a variation of cultures to keep our identity.
However you choose to practice is quite frankly none of my business, but the things a Jews does effects the entire community. Way back in the day I went to a Reform summer camp called Eisner. When we went on field trips, I wondered why my notorious... friend (the camp director) got up and said we cannot do anything stupid. Not only illegal, immoral, and unpolitically correct, but stupid. He made a point even as Reform Jews, we were wearing a Magen David (Jewish Star) on our shirts. If we are Jews, despite none of us practicing halacha (let alone knowing what it was) or "looking like a Jew," we were responsible for the negative associations with "our people." It was either, "look at those nice, polite kids" or "those Jews can't raise their children right."
As a Reform Jew of thirteen I was asking myself why I had to act a certain way if I wasn't one of them. I knew who them were. I knew they were the ones that my friends compared me to when I said I was Jewish. They were the ones my school friends joked around about when they "woopty-dood" their fingers next to their ears. The black-hats and the Chassidism, they were all the same to me, they were simply them. So why did I need to act proper for the sake of "us" what ever that was. Because as far as I was concerned, I didn't dress like them, I didn't eat the same foods as them, I didn't throw in the "oy's" and "kinderlach's" around like they did, and half the time if they spoke I wasn't even sure if it was English! I. Am. Not. One. Of. Them!!!
Well, I got over it. I became proud to be a Jew. I was rockin' out to Matisyahu on my new Ipod in sixth grade, enjoying the beat boxing and reggae with the Jewish infusion. Mann, was I proud to be a Jew! This dude became religious (I mean, did you SEE his peyos and beard?!). Next time my friends joked around about me being Jewish, BAM, I had THIS GUY backing me up. He was cool, well versed, and his music was right up my ally. Well, Hashem loves a good laugh. My baggy guy-shorts have been replaced by skirts and his verses such as
"You're a slave to yourself and you don't even know,
You want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow,
If you're trying to stay high then you're bound to stay low,
You want God but you can't deflate your ego (King Without a Crown)"
and
"In the ancient days, we will return with no delay,
Picking up the bounty and the spoils on our way,
We've been traveling from state to state,
And them don't understand what they say,
3,000 years with no place to be,
And they want me to give up my milk and honey,
Don't you see, it's not about the land or the sea,
Not the country but the dwelling of His majesty (Jerusalem)"
are now understood. I mean, rocking out to them in sixth grade was nice... but it's seven years later. I'm religious now. I am no longer a slave to myself. I'm out of the fast lane. I'm struggling with my ego. Israel is my home. From Russia to America, traveling state-to-state, my fathers have been conforming to the societies for 3,000 years, forgetting why they fled. And now, after my El-Al flight watching my plane's shadow cast over the Mediterranean Sea approaching Israel, I realize it isn't about the country... it's about the shechina, the dwelling of His majesty! I listened to Matisyahu on the plane here... and I opened my eyes. The words I was spewing along with were no longer meaningless, they were POWERFUL and true. Matisyahu's music had become my gage in religiosity. It started off as music and became my expression. Now that he has shaven off his beard for a more "modern" look, I look back on the journey I have undertaken. I still wear my eleven piercings proud. They represent so much more than the rebellious look, they symbolize my internal struggle between the secular and religious cultures. I blatantly dislike both. The religious and secular lifestyles are two opposite ends, extreme in their own manner. My secular parents hate my piercings and so does my Haredi brother. But, ironically I love them because they are exactly in the center. My tznious (modest) clothing expresses my desire to follow Hashem and his ways [read: NOT live in the secular world which is sold on sex]. My piercings express my desire to remain an individual and to keep what little of my past that hasn't already vanished [read: NOT the yeshivishe world where girls are judged based on the thickness of their stockings and any mistakes becoming a chillul Hashem (Desecrating G-d's name)]. I straddling the fine line every BT walks. And though Matisyahu has ten years on me, I think he walks that same line. But as my facebook status says so concisely, "I'm curious to see if he is breaking free from the cultural standards of the orthodox community, or breaking from the community itself... (...DON'T LEAVE ME!!!)"
